IMPROVING LOW SELF ESTEEM.
When we say someone has low self-esteem it suggests you have a condition, a disease, something growing inside of you.
The simple truth is this… You and only you are the reason you are not confident. Nothing and no one else! By you! I mean your thinking processes. Self-esteem is nothing more than an idea you have of yourself. It’s just an illusion!
This is not to infer blame, but it is about accepting responsibility for your thoughts and thinking…the route cause of your low self-esteem.
Just take a leap of faith and trust that if you accept the most fundamental cause is your thinking; you are truly on the right course to finding the confidence you feel has eluded you.
No one, I repeat no one is going to change how you feel about yourself but you. So to change how you feel about yourself means getting in touch with how you are feeling at any given moment, and turning that negative emotion into a positive emotion.
It’s about putting a different interpretation on events, seeing them with different eyes. Re-educate yourself to break the negative emotional aspect that these happenings have over you so you see them from a different perspective.
Ever felt you were having a so-called bad day? Stop, just for a moment and just witness exactly your thinking at that moment, and you’ll have your answer as to why you are ‘Thinking’ you are having a bad day…’Your Thoughts.’
We can look at the reasons as to why you have low self esteem…bad childhood, bullied, abusive relationship, a series of bad events in your life.
There is no getting away from the fact that they might have played a large part in how your thinking is processed now. But you have the choice to let those events that happened, to you, two, ten, twenty years/months ago carry on effecting what you think of yourself and ultimately your happiness, or come to decide enough is enough.
There are many theories as to why we hang on to those hurtful past experiences. One idea is due to the ‘Child Within’ theory. There are whole books written about this. But the basic premise of this thinking is that when traumatic events happen to us as a child we don’t have the emotional capabilities and life experience that an adult has to deal with it, so we shut it away deep inside us where it can stay for years.
It’s like having a child’s emotions locked inside an adult’s body.
Low self esteem and lack of confidence like most negative emotional feelings will have had a trigger, and for some dealing with it is helped by understanding it at a deeper psychological level. Unfortunately, understanding it for some will make no difference to how they are still feeling about themselves.
That’s because they might have developed a better intellectual understanding of their issues but their thinking process is still the same.
Your thinking process will still be the same due to several reasons…It has become habitual, you have no awareness of your thinking and still functioning at an unconscious level, you have adopted a victim mentality, your fear of change, fear of what you might discover.
Let me give you an example: Your boss starts ranting at you because you never produced a piece of work on time. You either start thinking how crap you are at your job, he doesn’t like me etc., etc.
OR!…you think…I might have taken a bit longer but surely the earth is not going to stop revolving just because he had to wait a bit longer.
OR!…I would hate that man’s job, he is so stressed, can’t believe the pressure his bosses are putting him under.
OR!…He really has got the worse interpersonal skills ever. This is not to say of cause that you make these excuses to hide what might be a definite lack of enthusiasm or laziness on your part, but if you are really honest with yourself you’ll know when it’s appropriate to take this line of thinking.
The strategy to do this is...Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT is a theory that it’s not situations themselves that upset us, but the meanings we give them. Our thoughts and beliefs can block us seeing things that don’t fit with what we believe are true. In other words, we continue to hold on to the same old thoughts and fail to learn anything new.